There are times when organizing and decluttering are easy—and times when it is hard. Sometimes it’s difficult because we aren’t sure where to start. Sometimes it’s difficult because we aren’t entirely sure what we want. But it’s always difficult when we have items we know we should get rid of—but we find ourselves having a hard time letting them go. This is exactly where we get stuck in our decluttering and our intention to get organized gets hijacked.  

This isn’t unusual. 

We have certain beliefs about our belongings that can get in the way of letting them go. They are those items and projects we’ve invested our time, our money and ourselves into. In particular, there are three beliefs that can get in the way of getting rid of our stuff. 

By being able to identify them when they come up, you’ll be able to check yourself to see if they are stalling your efforts to get decluttered, organized and living in a home you love.

I’ll introduce you to each belief through the stories of three fictitious characters, Edna who shut down a garage sale, Bonnie the booklover, and Sylvia, the quilter who had to quit.

The Endowment Effect or Why We Over Price our Stuff at Garage Sales

This is the belief that an item is worth more just because you already own it.

Doesn’t that sound like a strange belief? But this is what we do with items we own—we tend to value them more because we own them than we would if we didn’t own them. 

In an experiment led by Daniel Kahneman* researchers separated people into two groups. They gave out mugs to each person in the first group. No one in the second group received a mug. Then they asked each group a question.  To the people with the mugs; “How much are you willing to sell them for?” To the second group; “How much are you willing to pay for one?” There was a wide gulf between the two. Those who “owned” the mugs wouldn’t accept less that $5.25 while the “buyers” would only pay $2.75.

This can cause all kinds of problems. Consider Edna (not her real name). She thought she was ready to let go of her extensive vinyl album collection. She had invested in hundreds of record albums and listened to them for many years. But they had been in storage for nearly a decade when she had decided to include them in a garage sale.

The day of the sale, we had the garage full of items from the house she had agreed to declutter—the albums were stacked in boxes off in a corner. As the morning went on, traffic began to pick up at the sale. People were spending a lot of time looking at the albums. And then it picked up even more. In no time, the alleyway was overrun with record vendors looking for a deal.  

This was wonderful—until Edna realized they were offering about a dollar a piece. She got quite upset. She valued her albums more than that—even though she didn’t have room for them and could no longer play them. We shut down the sale. Edna could not let go of her albums because of the endowment effect. Just like the people with their coffee mugs, she thought the records were worth more than they actually were—that being the price others were willing to pay.

The antidote? 

Pretend you don’t own it. Ask yourself, not how much do I want for it, but rather, how much would I pay for it now?

This also applies to those projects you haven’t yet finished. If you hadn’t started it, would you start it now? How much time and effort will it take to complete? What are the other things that won’t get done while you finish this up? These questions can free you from the trap of the endowment effect.

The Sunk Cost Fallacy or “Throwing Good Money after Bad”

Sticking with something, even though it’s no longer worthwhile, just because you’ve already invested in it is to commit the sunk cost fallacy.

For example, if you’re in a movie theatre and find yourself bored by the movie but you decide to finish watching it anyway because you’ve paid for the ticket, that would be committing the sunk cost fallacy. 

It shows up in the expression, “she’s throwing good money after bad.” And it can be particularly insidious when you’re decluttering. 

Let’s meet Bonnie the book lover. Bonnie has all kinds of books. She has fiction and non-fiction. She has big books on art and photography, plays and poetry, paperback Harlequins, history and self-help. She even has a few books on tape and CD. There is not enough room in the house for all the books and there will never be enough time to read them all. In fact, all the money spent on the books that have been bought and left unread is her sunk cost.

But here’s the thing. An item is an investment before it becomes a sunk cost. Bonnie buys her books with every intention of reading them. And she enjoys the experience of buying them. She likes having them on her shelves. But, as the unread books pile up year after year, the books begin to look like clutter and feel like failure and waste. And she is out of space.

Deciding to hang onto things just because you paid good money and had good intentions to use them is to commit the sunk cost fallacy. The questions you need to ask yourself are: Am I going to use this thing? Really? And when? 

It can be hard to accept sunk costs and not commit the fallacy because it means accepting the fact that your investment –the books – or the craft supplies – or the woodworking tools — won’t “pay off” as intended. On top of that, there is the sense of loss or guilt or whatever else comes up for you that also needs to be let go. 

What’s the antidote? How do we cope with these kinds of items that tempt us to commit the sunk cost fallacy and hang on to them when we know we should really part with them?

Marie Kondo has an answer. In “the Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up” Kondo writes that everything that comes into your life makes a contribution to you. All those books purchased with the intention to learn from them, enjoy them —Kondo would ask Bonnie– Was there joy in choosing them? Was there pleasure in planning to read them? What have they already contributed to your life? 

“By acknowledging their contributions and letting them go with gratitude, you will truly put the things you own and your life, in order”

Marie Kondo, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

What contributions have your belongings already made to you? Perhaps your belongings and incomplete projects have already served their purpose in your life. Perhaps that is enough.

The Fundamental Attribution Error or “He’s not a bad person, He’s just having a bad day.”

We make this error when we judge others—or ourselves—to be a certain sort of person based solely upon our circumstances or situation. 

A classic example* of this is the driver in traffic who, after tailgating you for blocks and blocks, passes you and then cuts back in, right on your bumper! 

Obviously, he’s a jerk. 

But perhaps it is his situation and not his character that is making him act this way. Maybe, he’s trying to get to the hospital to be with his child who’s been in an accident. Who knows? But considering his behaviour from another perspective, namely his circumstances or situation, can also lower our own blood pressure! 

When it comes to our homes and ourselves, we commit the Fundamental Attribution Error when we hang on to items we no longer use because those items embody an identity we aren’t sure we want to give up. 

Let’s consider Sylvia the quilter. 

Sylvia made baby quilts for charity for years.  But it’s been a while. Her quilting circle slowly broke up and other things took her away from the activity. Now she’s developed arthritis in her hands.  She doesn’t know what she wants to do with all her tools and supplies.

She has yards and yards of fabric already cut into blocks and ready to assemble. She has backing and stuffing, thread and a frame. 

She used to make the quilts all the time.

It engaged her creativity and sense of contribution. But, she doesn’t have the time or the ability anymore and that makes her sad. She feels she probably should get rid of it, but she just can’t let it all go yet. 

In this case, Sylvia is not quite ready to part with her things because she is not yet ready to let go of thinking of herself as a quilter. To be able to let go, she will have to accept this change in her identity. Client M managed to do this with her sewing supplies. You can read about it here. It involves some grief and it’s a hard thing to do. 

Another way we can commit the Fundamental Attribution Error is when we buy things and hope that having the things will turn us into the kind of person who uses them. 

For example; buying yourself a treadmill when you don’t have an established habit for exercise and hoping it will turn you into an exerciser. Or buying all the cooking gadgets to turn yourself into a five-star chef. I call this the fantasy self. When it comes time to declutter these things, this is the self you need to let go.

Because –the fabric won’t make you quilt, the books won’t make you read, and having the canner won’t make you into a mad-jam maven. Who you are is fashioned by your actions—not your belongings. 

The antidote in this case isn’t easy, either. It is to take a good hard look at yourself and your life. Ask yourself, what is your life about now? Who are you now? Who do you want to be going forward? Coaching definitely helps with these sorts of life changing questions. 

 

How to Let Go or “What are The Opportunity Costs?”

Of course, it isn’t always as clear cut as these examples suggest. It can take some probing to figure out what’s at play when you get stuck decluttering. As you can see, you can truly want to let things go and still find it difficult. 

Sylvia found it hard to part with her quilting supplies for all sorts of reasons.  First and foremost, she identified herself as being a quilter. When she realized that it was something she just wasn’t all that interested in any longer (the pain from her arthritis took some of the joy out of it, being without her friends, the rest) and fully accepted her new reality– she was free to consider other ways to be creative and contribute to others.

Second, she did not want to let the items go because of how much she had invested in terms of money, yes, but mostly her time and effort. This was her sunk cost. As soon as she was able to appreciate the joy she had taken in the time and energy she had already invested in making the quilts, she was ready to let go.

And lastly, after all that, Sylvia knew that if she chose to try to sell her quilting supplies, she might never be rid of them, given the tendency to overvalue what we already own. Instead, knowing she no longer had any need for her supplies, Sylvia donated her belongings to a good home and made someone else very happy. Sylvia found a way to transform her loss into a way to bless another person. 

By letting go of her crafting supplies, Sylvia was not only able to free up space in her home, but reconnect with the joy she once took in the activity. She was able to transform her loss into a gift for someone else and gift herself with the opportunity to take up new interests that fit better with the life she wants to live now.

If that sounds like something you’d like to create for yourself, a Coach-Organizer can help. Book a consult today.

Resources:

“Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less,” by Greg McKeown. (Penguin Random House: 2014, 2020)

“The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” by Marie Kondo (Ten Speed Press)

The example of the motor vehicle driver is from “Switch: How to Change Things When Things are Hard” by Chip Heath and Dan Heath (Broadway Books, Random House: 2010)